i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
