By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just gift wrapped bread.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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