I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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