I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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