I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
