My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
