I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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