Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
