I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is wine microwaveable?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
