Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
