I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
