if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
