Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
