Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
