Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could fuck to npr.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
