wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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