Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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