I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
