allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
