It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
