marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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