I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
