Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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