...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
