Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
