My nipple is on Facebook.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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