hell yes lets make some ravioli
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
