you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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