Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
