How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
