Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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