I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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