When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
