Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
