Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
