I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
