I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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