Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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