nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
