need another drink. this is the easiest way
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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