I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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