I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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