So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
