i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
