I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
