Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
