maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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