i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
