How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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