Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
