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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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